So I've been doing a lot of thinking while I've been packing today (Yes I finally started!) and I finally realized something. I really don't know what I want to do with my life.
I've always wanted to be a writer, and that hasn't changed. But even though I don't want to think this way, I need to be realistic. There is a very small chance that I will be able to live off my pen. I've always wanted my books to be popular but not like Harry Potter, more like how the movie Donnie Dark and the movie/book Fight Club are. They're popular in their own "cults". Do you know what I mean? I want to have my own stash of fans who love reading my books. I don't need millions of fans to be happy. I would be happy just with 50 fans, as long as they love what I create. Hence my problem.
There's no way I can make a living with only 50 fans. So...I thought about being an editor. But, I've been doing research and what not, and it's difficult. There's very few open spots and the publishing companies I want to work for are not in my state. So, I'd have to move. Right now, I know I'm not ready to be away from my family like that. Maybe I will be after college but right now I'm not sure I can handle that. But besides that, with this economy and everything I have to start thinking about what I have to do instead of what I want to do.
And I don't want to do that! I want a job that I would enjoy, something that will impact people. Which got me thinking, I've always wanted to impact people, be a part of their lives. I've always been fascinated by psychology and recently sociology. So today I asked myself, "what do you want to do with that sociology major you're working at?" And I thought about it...and it would be interesting to be a social worker. Mostly like for children because I prefer helping and being already children than adults (adults scare me. Intimidation!) And I thought that was an excellent idea, until I started researching that. I would most likely need to transfer schools. I'd need to get a Social Worker's Bachelor Degree and do all these community hours and there's so much I would need to do. I'm not lazy or anything, I would do it. I need to talk to my mom, my advisor, and think more on this but I'm running out of time.
There's just so much to do. And I'm still confused on what I really want to be.
My dream is to be a writer as well. In all honesty I would love to be a stay at home mom who makes a living off her fantastic novels.
ReplyDeleteHowever, like you said relaity kicked me in the ass and I'm currently an education major, i'm gonna teach 2nd grade and try to write.
Yeah I thought about teaching as well, but I just didn't think I would be very good at it. You have to be able to talk in front of people without appearing to be nervous. It has to seem like you're comfortable being able to do that. Me, I can't do that. No matter what age group haha. Man..how am I supposed to be a social worker? So much talking involved. I'm basically screwed.
ReplyDeleteBut what made you decide to be a teacher though? Why was this your second choice/back up plan? I'd really like to know :)
I love kids. I am also not a huge fan of public speaking, but a 2nd grader (although judemental) isn't gonna hurt my feelings, and messsing up in front of them, i think with a little practice will get easier.
ReplyDeleteI'm only a sophmore in college this year, so i'm hoping with more involvement in schools i'll get better at teaching.
Plus, teaching is always avalible. It doesn't pay great, but its a job and i love being with kids.