Not Again Please

While changing my sheets on my bed, I found a spider.





In my bed! The fucker was under my comforter! I can't sleep now. I can't even lay in it. There's been too many spiders in this room and I can't handle it anymore. I literally cried for an hour after finding it. I texted my roommate Jane and told her (she's not a fan of spiders either but she's not as bad as I am). Her bed is right under mine and she's worried there might be some in her bed. I know there's a web on her suitcase under her bed.

It's gotten ridiculous. I'm probably going to tell the RA in the morning because I can't live like this....In my bed! How long had it been in there?! I had been laying in my bed all day today! What if I hadn't changed my sheets tonight and waited until the morning...I would have been sleeping with that thing!

I'm not going to sleep. I can't. I just can't. If there's anyone else up, please help keep me awake. I'm probably going to watch comedy central and glee DVDs all night. Wish me luck!

Writing Today

I've written something today that has me crying every time I read it. A poem I guess. At least, I call it a poem. Maybe not. It's just my thoughts down on a piece of paper. I don't really know. All I know is, I never thought this is what I felt all this time. I just sat and wrote what was on my mind and...I really don't know what to say. But I'm afraid to share it with anyone. Even here. I'm just so confused right now.

Awesome Weekend Coming Up!

I was going to make another post about how annoying Jane is being at the moment BUT....She's going home this weekend! Thursday afternoon to be exact. And then Cathy is going home on Friday so I'll have the room to myself for an awesome weekend!

Fed Up Some More

I'm glad that I found out that I did that stupid philosophy layout wrong. That means you got it wrong too, since you copied everything I wrote. She didn't even read the article. She just asked what I wrote and tried to rewrite it in her own words.

And they finally cleaned!



Thank you Cheesus! They only cleaned their crap because Janet's friends are coming this weekend. And they keep saying they need a vaccumm because the floor is gross. Yes, yes it is. Who's fault is that? The art major who leaves scraps of paper everywhere (Cathy) and the lazy bio/pre-pharmacy major who doesn't know how to eat properly (Jane). Yeah that's right!

I have pictures of how it looked before. If you wanna see, let me know by sending a message or liking my post. I don't mind sharing. It's ridiculous. There's still rotting apples in front of me and an old napkin with this wrapper from bred Jane ate a week ago, sitting in front of me. I refuse to clean it. And I refuse to get the vaccumm again. They both really don't want to do anything and I'm not going to be their maid.

I refuse.

Do Your Own Work

She says that I wasn't alright today. My roommate I mean. Of course I wasn't. You've been bugging the hell out of me about this assignment that we need to do (not a partner project. Separate assignments that we both have because we have the same class but at a different time).

She keeps saying, "Hey let me know when you're working on it so we can work together."

and, "I find this homework pointless. I need to study for organic chemistry, so we should work together so we can get this done faster."

Then you want to "work together" when you haven't even read the required pages to fucking do the assignment. I think not. I told her to go read it. I guess that was her first sign that I wasn't doing okay.

I come back from a poetry slam (awesome by the way. With special guest Tim Stafford. Look him up on youtube/google) and go back to working. Here she comes again.

"I worked on it but I still have no idea what to do. Have you worked on it?"
"Yeah," I said, "I think I'm about done."

"Oh, can you look over mine and see if it's right."

"I don't know. I'm not even sure mine is right." I said.

"That's okay. I'd just like it if you read over mine. Tell me what's wrong."

I blew it. I told her I can't fix hers if I can't fix my own. I didn't swear or anything. My voice elevated. She asked if I was okay. No I'm not okay. Everytime we have these assignments, you basically try to make me do the whole damn thing. I don't need nor want to be used.

But I didn't say that. I told her I had a headache.

You're Joking Right?

I was on the phone with my mom when I decided to wash my sweaters/hoodies and I said, out loud, "Gonna go check to see if the washers are open". Then I left my dorm room, leaving my two roommates inside. I go to the basement and find all three are open. I'm happy because I just want to use two and hang my clothes to dry. When I'm walking back, I see one of my roommates walking towards me, I wave and continue talking to my mom.

I enter the room, grab my sweaters and just as I'm about to leave, she returns and says "They're all free!" Why do I see them both going into their wardrobs and grab their completely-full-overflowing-don't-you-wash-more-than-once-a-month laundry baskets and start separting their clothes.

"Umm...I'm going to need one too." I say. They look at me funny. And then one says:

"One of us needs to go down there to make sure no one else grabs the washers."

I volunteered because one, I was already ready. And two, I wasn't going to let them take the washers from me. I decided to be nice and just use one. I put my clothes in, wait until their slow asses come downstairs and go back to the room. I'm still on the phone with my mom (she heard me complain while I was in the basement).

I'm sitting in front of my laptop, just got off the phone with her when one of them comes in and says:

"You can use the washer when we're done."

....What?

"I'm already using one. When those stop, I'll put my other load in." I said.

"Oh I didn't know who's clothes those were."

Really...Why do you think I went down there for? Do you think I went to save the washers for you?! What the hell...

Need To Express Myself

I think I missed a Thursday and that's because this week has been chaotic. I'm so happy it's Friday, well when I'm done writing it will technically be Saturday morning.

I didn't get to mention that I have an appointment to see a counselor this coming Tuesday. I think I just need someone to talk to. I'm not sure if it's my roommates anymore. Maybe I'm overwhelmed or maybe there's something wrong. There's the possibility that it's a combination of all three. I don't know and that's why I'm going to talk to someone. My mom agrees. She's the one who said I should at least get some advice on how to deal with all the negativity that my roommates have on a daily basis. Hopefully this will help me and I'll be able to have a better year.

Writing on here has helped. It gives me a chance to unwind and let off some steam, but I can't be as open as I really want. I had another blog, but a few friends found it so I had to make this one. I'm afraid they'll find it again. That's why I'm using a penname and aliases for everyone I mention on here. But I'm always worried that one of them will find it. I don't want them reading my personal thoughts. My tumblr and this blog have basically become my diary but a diary that I allow strangers to read and comment on. Not people I know in real life.

Does anyone else get what I'm saying? It's easier to talk to strangers than people you know.

Well, I'm actually at work right now. I work in my residential hall as a desk aide. I don't really do anything. I was actually watching a Korean soap opera before I came on here. I think I'll watch another episode. Until next time.